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november 2002


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~ 11/23/04
my life is changing in so many ways, i don't know who to trust anymore.
neil young (a man needs a maid)
if you want somebody you can trust, trust yourself.
bob dylan

reading 'chronicles' & revelling in the language that he uses, the detail of his memory & the great unknown heart inside of him, the well from which his inkpen springs. it's a most enjoyable ride (read)for both me & big bob kuhn, of missourri, recently arrived at my doorstep with his dog, malcolm. (that's a whole 'nother story, bob is, which my memoirs will memoirs? of course!!! but later...) suffice to say that whenever i see bob i feel very happy and it's as if no time has passed and also, i admit, i always smell just a slight whiff of trouble..

too much to report all at once. for my birthday (nov12) a dozen of my favorite singers in joshua tree performed my songs at the beatnik (the second in what is now sort of a tradition,conceived by elia arce , and put together this year by judy wishart): tal hurley, sue bradley, kevin stetz, arjuna the throat singer, mark zero langille, judy herself singing 'passion slaves', bingo & denise, little jaya singing 'i will survive', really shooo billy & ellen, john lee, jen murphy, jemma, victoria williams, honky tonk train bill & jane, amanda,sunny sundowner, thank you i luv u all...johnette sent the song 'happy birthday' and even dave hung out for most of the evening - and pappy & harriets'robin was there til the bitter end, i was a grand night for me.i felt a little like charles foster kane when the whole newsroom started singing to him, remember?

next day, john lee & rose sent me on an airplane to see elia arce performing 'the fifth commandment' at yerba buena ceneter for the arts in san francisco. i got there in time to see the show, crash in debbie's hostel room in the mission, walk around in the morning with tomas and get back to the airport, via elia maria arce.

this week, i've been recording victoria for a tribute to peter case album. the song: 'drunkards harmony' - which is unlike anything i've ever heard before.

i'm sort of sad that the rancho is going away, whatever dave thinks.i was charged with keeping it going 'the way fred wanted it.' when that became impossible to do financially, dave decided to move in. saves the house and gives him some space. but effectively makes the rancho, as it was, a thing of the past. now it's dave's house, which is always a wonderful thing in its own right, but i feel myself drifting away from it, some would say, at last. my dear friend, fred. i hope you know i did my best to keep it happening. i hope it's okay with you if i do something else now.

(fred drake's ambient record THE SKY PARTY has landed and is ready for lift off)

biggest deal of all, bigger than losing the rancho, or getting squeezed out of it, or whatever just happened right after the election while i was still shell-shocked by the stupidity of 51% of my countrymen, bigger than all of that is, elia and i split up. should we have? too late, we did. i almost still don't believe it's final but apparently it is. she says so. even though we don't really have an argument,per se, oh we had some, for sure, but even still, even though we basically get along fine, we don't seem to be meshing and haven't been as a couple for some time. it kills me. i have turned into a deeper and more committed (committable?) workaholic and alcohol and marijuana are not far behind. i've met lots of women and i'm socially retarded, despite my apparent popstatus in thislittletown.sure would like someone to cuddle up with and spoon. etc. but for now, it seems to be in the cards to be alone for a while, work like a maniac and moveon to the next far more prosperous and spiritually satisfying phase of my existence in this life. i turned forty fucking six and still feel like i did at twelve, hopelessly romantic, passionately pissed off and tearfully optimistic...

how did i let go of elia?

i said, you go ahead. i'll always be here.

we had a foot and a half of snow in joshua tree the other day - the most in forty years or something - and there's still a lot on the ground.

jen wants to help me get on the road, to play outside of this town. there is someone in rhode island i would like to look up.

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