2002 ends


last morning of the year


dear fred-
elia, veronica and i went to see 'gangs of new york' last night. it's
absolutely incredible. so timely and direct. we stayed for the beginning
because we missed it first time, thanks to goth boy ryan, who has a great big black 1969 cadillac hearse for hire (perfect for, say, picking up twiggy from the airport!) after, we noticed the $3 an hour internet cafe/open 24 hours on weekends...organic coffee...pretty good.
also, ran into gary who handed me a map of the beatnik. then, at the post
office, we received, from the drakes, the map to fred's star in the sky. a cosmic co-incidence of maps to the future, i think.
as adriene and fred discovered at hobe chobe, sometimes all you need to do is ask for a sign.

the cafe scares me a little. am i up for managing a cafe if you're away? i know i can oversee, but balancing and ordering and all sounds
daunting...still, the energy is there for us to harness, i think.
tonight we'll be there for a while on our way to marco and doug and
merediths, with the new desert latin peace army in tow.
we'll salute you, down by the tree, and look forward to your return.
elia, veronica and i watched adriene's edit of fred's memorial. had to do it before the year ended. we all cried, especially when jo spoke. you were so together, i was an utter and complete wreck. adriene did a nice job of keeping in the best of joanne's talk and laying images over the sounds, or vice versa. it's beautiful.
all love to you and matthew.
ted

12/27
fred-
ah yes, melancholia.  the holiday in betweens. it's like post-performance
blues. this year seemed like it would never end because time itself seemed to stop. i can't remember the summer. last night, i played the ten songs i wrote this year. they have a common theme. they were all written very much before or very much after. so, two sets of songs. also, i played two of fred's songs especially close to me, 'angel,' and 'please/my brother's dying' (as a medley like we used to do in ministry of fools). later, ruben, who sings and plays and writes better songs than ever and joe - sans accordion, sadly - took us on rosa's journey to canaan cross the jordan. joe sang one ruben wrote for him about new mexico, 'you can't go home again.' his guitar playing was sublime.  then joe, ruben and i joined forces and headed for 'mecca' and 'orphange of souls.'  elia and sue joined for 'don't let nothing shoot you
down,' 'momma,' and 'fools day sutra.' it was a very full evening and a nice way to end the year.  had you been cloned in time, we would have loved to have seen your face.
the rancho is racing toward the new year with mark lanegan saying things
like, 'i'm not a millionaire but if you guys ever need anything...it would kill me to see this place ever close.' and 'from the minute i walked in here, after the last six months, i felt more at home here than i do at my own house.'
there won't be a break in the music as shawn mafia - with kevin, our sweat lodge friend jason's brother, on guitar - comes in on the first, moroccan on the fourth, with tony. chris producing pete from lo-5 on the seventh. then, brant working with molly and dave. jules coming back to do more acoustic songs with billy. all repeat clients from the first four months of re-operation.
also, that new, interesting and wonderful people are moving to the desert, including the cubans, dennis y carlito, who are now land owners in joshua tree, california, united states of america.
so even with a slight  post-partum feeling as we let go of one year full of somany major changes and embark on a mysterious new one, i feel like some degree of faith in the process is merited.
from the ashes,
love,ted